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[28 Jul 2005|10:24pm] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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music |
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Sea Change {Bedroom Heroes} |
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Wow, hey. It's been a while now... But I still don't really feel like writing. Instead, a little bitty update is in order.
Catherine and I are through.
Michaela (thankfully) is leaving for school soon.
I'm working. A lot.
I have a new crush already (of course. How else would I do things?)
My band is either on the verge of breaking up or getting stronger, I'm not sure which.
I'm starting a new band.
I may actually move out before I turn twenty.
Ehm... That about covers the important stuff. I'll actually get down and write soon enough.
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[03 Jun 2005|03:03pm] |
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mood |
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 Loving |
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music |
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Long Line of Cars {Cake} |
] |
I, sadly enough, am now finding C. in everything. Every random thing that crosses my path, every song, every book, every movie. It's pathetic, I know, but it is what it is. Right now, it's like we're dating, but we're not. We both get jealous of friends of the opposite sex, we come close to kissing every day, we nearly almost always just barely don't hold hands, etc. I'm pretty sure that I'm just gonna sit on my hands, as it were, for a year. And 2 months. And 7 days. and 7 hours. and 47 minutes.
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| heresy |
[23 May 2005|08:03pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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music |
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Subzero Fun {Autolux} |
] |
Today blows. I'm ready to die. Lord, please take me now.
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| .the devil wants to fuck me in the back of his car. |
[21 May 2005|06:20pm] |
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mood |
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 crappy |
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music |
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The Only Time {Nine Inch Nails} |
] |
Well, Catherine is gone. God decided that I'm not right for her, so I'm out. It was nice to have a girl for awhile... The little things were easier with her around. Things were good. But she's gone now, and won't be dating anybody until she's 18 (or so she says... she already broke that twice). Maybe I'll get a second chance, yeah? Maybe things aren't so bad. Yeah...
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[14 May 2005|01:28am] |
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mood |
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 blah |
] |
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music |
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My own band (narcissistically) |
] |
So my band (Husqvarna) now has a myspace account, complete with four streaming tracks (one of which is previously unreleased) and everything-ish. You should definitely go check it out, if only because you already love the musician known as Andrew Cauthorn, or the personality known as Chris Johnedis. And then you should come to the shows and support us, because nobody loves us. We're so fucking sad.
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| [never] Lounging [again] |
[11 May 2005|05:58pm] |
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mood |
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 drained |
] |
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music |
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Lay Lady Lay {Magnet featuring Gemma Hayes} |
] |
After a brief stutter, Catherine and I are now finally dating. Thank god (haha).
I started working again, 6:30 to 5. Plus extra hours. Plus Fridays. Plus god knows what else. The only good thing is that I can look however I want and I still get paid three times minimum wage.
No music these days. I have no time between a girlfriend and a 40-48 hour a week job.
M is back in town. THAT was terrifically rocky.
Not much else. Email or text or call me with any questions.
Thank you, I'll be here all week.
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| Young life |
[03 May 2005|12:36am] |
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music |
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Man and Wife, the Latter {Desaparecidos} |
] |
Things with Catherine are going swimmingly, so my writing and other artistic outlets are suffering. But I don't care really. Actually, I don't care at all. I apologise for my horrible writing for this post, but you know. Things happen. Unfortunately, I've sort of got some local fame among the young 'uns here, so all of her good Christian friends hate me and are giving her loads of shit for dating me, which is a load of bullshit in my opinion. But then again, I'm used to this, right? M.'s friends hated me, and now look where that got me. Oh, um, right... It got me into trouble. Shit.
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[27 Apr 2005|11:29pm] |
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mood |
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 apathetic |
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music |
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Sombre Hombre {Tim "Love" Lee} |
] |
Meme (a cool one), stolen from ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) onlyabunny :
Choose a band and answer in the form of that band's song titles. Exclusively.
My band: Iron and Wine
Male or Female? Jesus the Mexican Boy
Describe yourself? Radio War
How do some people feel about you? Weary Memory
How do you feel about yourself? Naked as We Came
Describe your ex? Love and Some Verses
Descrive your current boyfriend/girlfriend/whatever? Woman King
Describe what you want to be? Bird Stealing Bread
Where will you be in a year? Faded From the Winter
Where will you be in ten? Cinder and Smoke
Describe your current mood? Sea and The Rhythm
Describe your friends? Promising Light
Share a few words of wisdom? Call Your Boys
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[27 Apr 2005|02:12am] |
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mood |
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 optimistic |
] |
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music |
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Broken Household Appliance National Forest {Grandaddy} |
] |
Finally, I met a girl that doesn't either think I'm an asshole or that I'm fuckin' dangerous. Mostly because she doesn't cuss, but that's okeh because I don't think that she'd think those things anyway. Her name is Catherine, and she's a hardcore Christian, which I'm not so sure about. She's growing on me (fast, but not dangerously so), enough to the point of where I can actually talk about things other than M. (which has dominated conversation lately) with her. She's more mature than the girls I've been meeting lately, she's more attractive than almost any of the girls I've met, and she's kinder than any of them at all. Unfortunately, there's a hitch... but I'll take care of that. Some way or another. Well, I guess it's not something that should come up, seeing as she's Überchristian (well, maybe not über, but definitely more Christian than I am), but she's 16. Anyhoo. I don't know. Either way, seeing as only people that know me are really reading this, don't worry about me. I'm not going all cradle-robber on you; she really doesn't act or look her age, and I really don't have dishonorable intentions towards her. She's really a great person, and if I do end up dating her, I promise (cross my heart, hope to die, etc.) that I will not get into the whole sex thing with her unless it's her idea and she's of legal age of consent. Hope for this for me, I could definitely use the boost.
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[23 Apr 2005|08:06pm] |
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mood |
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 sick |
] |
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music |
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The Killing Moon {Echo and the Bunnymen} |
] |
Things have been... stressful lately. Wondrous, wonderful girl problems have arisen that I never foresaw. There was no way for me to, really.
I've started wearing M.'s ring again (the break from that lasted about four days).
I've developed an obsession with 80's music. It's really glorious in that what they did then would be new now, too. So many artists overlook what's come before them; it's depressing. There's about 15 bands in the Corvallis area that are all based on some current band, and at least half of those are based on the Thursday equation: one part thrash metal kick drum, one part triplet toms, one part root note bass playing, two parts bad distortion/major progressions (mixture outlined in Frostings section), and one part generic screamo vocals. The rest either sound like anonymous folk (or just bad musicians that think that all artists, no matter how bad, are good. This isn't a commune, but it works like one. Everybody is accepted into the Corvallis scene. Whether or not you get gigs depends: you must play either bad folk or rock. Nothing else will work) or anonymous rock. There are a couple of standouts (the band formerly known as Dot Dot Dot [I don't know what they're under now], The Stack, etc.), but they're so rare. It kills me.
Kai is killing me.
Beth is impossible to read.
K. is unattainable.
What's a boy to do?
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[22 Apr 2005|07:19pm] |
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So the Reed gig was cool, definitely cool. We played for nitrogen day, which basically only serves to get people stoked on rent fair, which is the next week. Nitrogen day turned out to be basically free whipits, brass monkeys, chocolate shakes, and coffee. And us playing. It was definitely the shit. Unfortunately, our sound guy blew and the equipment was constantly distorting, so basically we sounded like shit. We've been invited back though, to play once a semester. Also, they bought us food and whipits and brass monkeys and such, so it was entirely (overall) the shit. Also, my brother in law wrote us up in his Rock Top Ten thing, so that was obviously the shit.
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| (b)and thoughts arise |
[20 Apr 2005|02:32pm] |
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mood |
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 apprehensive |
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music |
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Love Will Tear Us Apart {Joy Division} |
] |
So I've been doing the whole great purpose wondering thing lately, and that's really getting to me. I know it's futile, but I somehow can't rip myself away from this problem. I don't know, eventually I'll have to, but for now it just doesn't seem plausible.
Also, this gig that's coming up at Reed has me worried: I don't want to deal with people in normal life, and I especially don't want to be up in front of a crowd. Luckily, we're not playing our hometown gigs at the Beanery, so the crowd will be nice and small, but still. I have to go and do sound checks and talk to the other people that are playing and I have to go and play music in public and deal with all of those pressures and then I have to go and eat with the aforementioned other people because they're paying for my dinner and then I have to go and stay with one of them because they're paying for accommodations (better known as putting us up in people's houses) and on and on and on until I burst. How am I supposed to deal with crap like this when I can't even keep myself bathed on a regular basis? Then again, it's always the little things.
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| Damn. |
[19 Apr 2005|09:26pm] |
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mood |
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 crushed |
] |
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music |
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Staralfur |
] |
Crisis averted - the other guy (pyussay) backed out when we called him. Started apologising up and down, and disappointing those of us that were ready, willing, and looking forward to the fight. We even had a triple blackbelt on our side! This was going to be fun! Damn.
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| Rumble |
[19 Apr 2005|02:39pm] |
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mood |
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Ready to go |
] |
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music |
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Tense silence |
] |
I am currently sitting at my best friend's frat, waiting for a fight. Maybe. He hooked up with this girl (well, kinda hooked up. He hasn't even kissed her yet, but he did sleep next to her. He was raised by women, just like me) over the weekend, and now the ex-boyfriend (dumped for Cook, my boy) is ridiculously angered and trying to beat Cook. Also, he threatened Elanor, Mike's Mustang, so that's very serious. More news as it develops...
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| I can rip |
[19 Apr 2005|04:19am] |
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mood |
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 pessimistic |
] |
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music |
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The Weakerthans: Reconstruction Site/ Dabrye |
] |
Okeh, time to plug for my Band. We're playing a gig in Portland, OR on thursday at Reed College in celebration of Nitrogen Day (whatever that is). Either way, they're buying us dinner and paying for things (like transport cost and booze, etc.), so I'm stoked. Then again, I'm the only one in the band that really drinks... Maybe I'll just bring my own up. The only problem with that is I'm a horrible bassist when drunk, but I can rip it on guitar. Maybe I can talk them into letting me play guitar exclusively at that show? I don't know. I sort of am alright on the piano when drunk, so maybe those two... I don't know, we kind of already change instruments around too much anyway. Eh, fuckit, yeah? A show is a show, and it's nice to have one again. Since we've been putting some serious changes into the sound now, people have been sort of afraid to book us. Coffee shops don't tend to want us because we've gotten louder and more electrified, but real venues rarely want us because we're pretty low-key. I suppose the low-keyness is really just that we don't have a good stage presence yet, but I hope that I can convince somebody in the band to maybe move a little bit or grin or something. Ah christ, and a real setlist would be great. Apparently before I came they did them, but now that I'm here, they just sort of bitch and moan all the time and don't play what will do well with the crowd, just what they want to play. Which is a load of shite, because we really need to be fostering support in as many ways as we can. Speaking of which, you all should come to the show and buy one of our CDs, even though they're homemade. And you should join the mailer. Just send an email saying you want to join to husqvarna.band@gmail.com. We'll love you forever... I promise.
But yeah, good things now. A break in playing gigs is sort of like empty nest-age for me. I suddenly have nothing to be doing, my purpose is gone. I mean, sure, I could try to make more gigs, but really I'm sort of glad to have the gigs I already played out of the way. But I miss them. So I'll just wait for new gigs, I guess. Or just enjoy other people's gigs (much less hassle than having one of your own). Especially since the band went on semi-hiatus for a while in there, that really got me. I was trying to improve myself in my theory and playing technique and such, but it just wasn't happening. The concentration and drive to do things really just fell off when I didn't have stimulation in that area of my life. Maybe someday I'll get out of my little hole that I'm in. It just seems so deep right now.
[with love and no pomegranates...]
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| Late night ramble |
[17 Apr 2005|04:11am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 discontent |
] |
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music |
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Iron and Wine/Abilene |
] |
Eventually these will get better, but for now I'm just skimming BS off of the top of my head. I haven't written in so long, really. It's been much too long.
So, the ex-fiance. It's the meat of my life right now, so that's what we'll go with. That situation has turned somewhat sticky, what with her leaving me and me never leaving her. It worries me sometimes, the fact that we already have gotten so deep into this situation at such an age. I mean, of course, historically we would have been married six years ago, but for the current times, we did things quite early on. Nearly frightfully so. Ah christ, screw it. I'll follow up on this later, I can't write right now.
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| Oops |
[16 Apr 2005|10:56am] |
Right, I entirely forgot about the whole getting to know me thing. But then again, odds are really good that if you don't know me, you won't even read this. Actually, odds are really good that only I will read this. Either way, I play music, I listen to music, and I... Did I mention music yet? Really, it's honestly all I do. I'm actually in an interesting position, being nineteen and a musician and the progeny of blue-collar-turned-white-collar people. I've got no direction (except towards music), no interest in attending school, no job, but I am still allowed to float through and sort of just live and play music. It sounds grand, doesn't it? Everything paid for, no job or school, just doing what I love? Honestly, it's a curse. It leaves much too much time to get overly involved with things that should not hold my attention nonetheless become my life. Women, drinking, cigarettes, music. It's almost like I'm an ancient Greek, but without the gore or power. I do still have sadistic joys though; it's just that they're gentler ones.
There's just too much time left for self-exploration, really. Too much time spent on existential questions as opposed to which classes should I schedule because that girl in tri-Lam was really hot and I might get some but maybe she'll sleep with me if I take smart classes. Who am I? What am I doing? Why don't I have purpose? Maybe I can just blame it all on being an artist. Well, really that would be a load of bullshit because I'm no artist. I'm no musician, I just play music. I'm getting there, though.
I have an ex-fiance; I won't give her up.
I have a few good friends; I won't give them up.
I have a band; I won't give it up.
Really, that's me in a nutshell. Or really more like a Mini, nutshells kind of creep me out. They're sort of alien to me, like television and Brazilian music.
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| First. Maybe last? |
[16 Apr 2005|10:45am] |
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I haven't kept a journal ever; not once have I found reason enough to write things down. I write too pretentiously without cause enough to justify it, I don't need record of my fallacies. In the meantime, I've heard that keeping a journal can be a good thing. It can help with some things, some mental things. So I'm going to try. We'll see how it goes. Maybe I'll even do well enough to escape the english nazis that are my friends and family.
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